The GlassFountain Sink™

Hydration Has Never Been More Exciting

DANGERBAKE
$449.99 $299.99
★★★★☆ 4.3/5 (567 reviews)

Key Features

  • Patented ShardFlow™ technology
  • Adjustable pressure: Drizzle of Danger to Torrent of Terror
  • Built-in LED mood lighting (blood red)
  • Pairs with our Bandage Dispenser (sold separately)
  • Self-sharpening shards
  • Artisanal hand-blown glass fragments
Not suitable for hand-washing, dish-washing, or any washing.

Why GlassFountain?

💎

ShardFlow™ Technology

Water is boring. Glass is forever. Our patented system replaces mundane water molecules with artisanal glass fragments for a truly unforgettable experience.

🌊

5 Pressure Settings

From 'Drizzle of Danger' to 'Torrent of Terror.' Each setting increases shard density by 200%. Setting 3 is called 'Regret' for legal reasons.

💡

Blood Red LED Lighting

Sets the tone for every dishwashing session. The crimson glow illuminates the glass shards beautifully, creating an ambiance somewhere between 'spa' and 'crime scene.'

🩹

Bandage Dispenser Compatible

Pairs with our Bandage Dispenser (sold separately). Bundle and save — you'll need it. We recommend the 500-count industrial roll.

Self-Sharpening Shards

Gets better with every use. Each cycle through the ShardFlow™ system hones the glass to a finer edge. Week one: inconvenient. Week four: surgical.

🎨

Artisanal Hand-Blown Fragments

Crafted with malice by our team of disgruntled glassblowers. Each shard is unique, like a snowflake that hates you.

Technical Specifications

Flow Rate Varies by shard density
Water Temperature Irrelevant
Filter Type None — that's the point
Installation Professional dread
Shard Material Borosilicate (the sharp kind)
LED Color Blood red (non-adjustable)
Pressure Settings 5 (all regrettable)
Basin Material Reinforced porcelain (for now)

Destruction Testimonials

★★★★★

"The sparkle effects are beautiful. Like a deadly snow globe every time I wash dishes."

— Rachel N.

★★★☆☆

"My dishwasher repair guy took one look and retired on the spot."

— Kevin B.

★★★★★

"I've never felt more alive than when doing dishes. The adrenaline is real."

— Stacy F.

★★★★★

"The blood-red LED lighting makes the glass shards look absolutely gorgeous at night."

— Marcus T.

★☆☆☆☆

"I asked for a glass of water and got a water of glass."

— Nora P.

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