Hazard Pay Included. Survival Not Guaranteed.
| Detonation Specialist | R&D Department. Must be comfortable working in blast radius. EOD experience preferred but not required. We learn on the job here. |
| QA Tester (Hazmat Certified) | Test products until they fail or you do. Full protective gear provided. Replacement gear provided frequently. |
| Warranty Denial Copywriter | Craft compelling explanations for why warranty claims are invalid. Must be fluent in corporate doublespeak and immune to guilt. |
| Fire Marshal Liaison | Maintain our “relationship” with local fire authorities. Must be diplomatic. Must own a suit that is not singed. |
| Structural Integrity Optimist | Assess whether our products will destroy the building they're in. Historically, the answer is yes. We need someone who can say it nicely. |
| Social Media Manager | Turn incident reports into viral content. Must be able to distinguish between “good press” and “legal exposure.” Spoiler: it's always both. |
| Insurance Negotiator | Convince insurance companies to cover us. Again. Starting salary reflects the impossibility of the task. Commission-based on miracles performed. |
| Intern (Permanent) | Assist Dave. Dave needs help. Responsibilities include everything no one else will do, which is most things. Promotion timeline: unclear. |
| Chief Apology Officer | New role. Write formal apologies on behalf of the company. Must be sincere enough to read aloud in court but vague enough to admit nothing. |
| Evacuation Choreographer | Design and rehearse evacuation routes for product demos. Must have background in crowd management or interpretive dance. Both help equally. |
“I've never felt more alive at work. Literally. Every day I walk in, I think, 'I am alive. That's a win.' Great culture.”
“The hazard pay is phenomenal. I've bought a second home. I need it because the first one was destroyed during a product test I brought home.”
“DangerBake is the only company where my firefighting background, my creative writing degree, and my high pain tolerance are ALL relevant. Dream job.”
“They told me the on-site burn unit was a perk. I thought it was a joke. I no longer think it's a joke. I go there three times a week. The nurses know my name.”
“I'm Dave. I've been here since the beginning. They keep saying my promotion is 'under review.' I handle the fire extinguisher, the customer complaints, the mail, the website, and the goat. The goat owns the building. I do not have dental.”