Preheat to Hell
| BTU Output | Yes |
| Flame Color | Blue to 'Oh God' |
| Fuel Type | Nightmares |
| Safety Certifications | Pending since 2019 |
| Heat Settings | 11 (all dangerous) |
| Off Switch | N/A |
| Flame Range | 6 feet (advertised), ~12 feet (actual) |
| Weight | 180 lbs (mostly fuel) |
"I preheated for Thanksgiving and my deck is gone. Turkey was incredible though."
"The fire department knows me by name now. They bring marshmallows."
"'No off switch' sounded fun until hour 47."
"I pointed it at the snow in my driveway. I no longer have a driveway."
"My eyebrows grew back thicker. Consider it a bonus feature."
"Tried to make toast. Now own a vacant lot."