The Blender of Doom™

"Made a smoothie. Found strawberry on the ceiling, the porch, and my neighbor's dog."

— Brian D.

"The 'no lid' thing sounded like a flaw until I realized it's modern art."

— Yuki A.

"It blended my cutting board. I didn't put my cutting board in it."

— Phil C.

"This blender has remodeled my kitchen more than any contractor ever could."

— Maria S.

"It migrated off the counter and blended my couch. I wasn't even making anything."

— Tom H.

"My smoothies now taste like counter remnants. 5 stars for texture."

— Angela W.