It Blends Everything. Including the Counter.
| RPM | 50,000 |
| Noise Level | Jet Engine (140 dB) |
| Capacity | Unlimited — no lid |
| Blade Material | Whatever it ate last |
| Splatter Radius | ~40 feet |
| Motor Type | Repurposed turbine |
| Off Switch | Theoretical |
| Migration Speed | 3 ft/min |
"Made a smoothie. Found strawberry on the ceiling, the porch, and my neighbor's dog."
"The 'no lid' thing sounded like a flaw until I realized it's modern art."
"It blended my cutting board. I didn't put my cutting board in it."
"This blender has remodeled my kitchen more than any contractor ever could."
"It migrated off the counter and blended my couch. I wasn't even making anything."
"My smoothies now taste like counter remnants. 5 stars for texture."